I’ve been in a funk. And it sucks. Articulating it in a way to avoid making it sound whiny has been difficult, hence my sudden cyber-quietness on this blog. I needed time to reflect.
The trigger was our last home game against the B-52 Bellas. While I didn’t go into the game cocky, I went in feeling confident I could at least hold my own against the more experienced team.
However they rolled over us and I played my worst game to date. My penalties racked up quickly, I had to fight for every point (a testament to how great the Bellas played!), I lost focus and my technique faltered.
I was a train wreck and felt I did nothing to contribute to the team during that game.
Further self-destructive evaluation made me think of all the hours I was putting into weight training, running and eating right. I rarely miss practice. I participate in all drills. WHY THE FUCK AM I NOT GETTING BETTER? It pissed me off that sacrifices I made to play this sport and excel at it aren’t coming to fruition.
But then I decided that it’s not about getting better, it’s about how badly do I want it.
Missing a game this weekend due to my financial restrictions to travel sucked hard. If anything, it made me even MORE hungry to play. I don’t want to ever have to say no to a roster position if another is offered to me and if given that position I don’t want to come away from it ever saying, ‘I didn’t try hard enough.’
We’re coming into our last game of a 5-game stint (which is a big deal for our little league) and this is probably the most I’ve ever focused on getting my game-head screwed on tight. Perhaps this is the last piece of the puzzle I need to take me to the next level in my game play.
I know I can skate fast; I know I can skate hard; I know I can give and take hits. But now it’s about being always on, ready for anything.