Me in a nutshell

Newly written and for your enjoyment. Cross-posted in the ‘About Me’ section. But do y’all really read that? Thought so…

I love shoes and dressing with style. But also have an extensive collection of concert T’s and sweatpants. I read Archie comics in the bathroom. You are a guest in my house only once; after that, get your own damn glass of water. I prefer used jeans over new ones. Candy and chocolate are my weaknesses. So is ice cream. I don’t cook and don’t clean unless I absolutely have to, but can bake a mean set of Christmas cookies. I am the best turkey stuffer in my family. I don’t car pool, don’t playdate, don’t scrapbook and I don’t give a fuck what other suburban moms think of me. My neighbours don’t like me because I refuse to water my lawn. I like bugs, but have a strange satisfaction in salting slugs in my garden. Ants amuse me. I have no tattoos or piercings. I work for a union, which surprises even me sometimes. I vote Green, NDP or MJ… whichever has the least of the idiots running. Don’t do religion, but can appreciate a good Solstice or Equinox. I have an iPhone/Facebook/Twitter addiction. I love taking photos but I’m, by no means, a professional. Fonts make me excited. As do software updates. Steve Jobs will one day rule the world and he makes certain of that by making me purchase every Mac product available. My mom is dead. It’s okay to ask me about it. My dad will scare the shit out of you. He’s a bad-ass-MF and has gone to jail to support a cause he believes in. I am a selfish fuck trying to live and share my life to the fullest, because we’re all going to die whether we spend our pension or not.

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