Last year, PLAYER 1 from Vancouver’s Terminal City All Stars (who incidentally is skating under her real name this season, Germaine Koh) wrote an incredibly poignant article about roller derby and her thoughts on aging. She was about to turn 45 when she wrote it. Her original post can be found on her Facebook page here within a status update posted Aug. 28, 2012.
Go read it… I’ll wait right here.
Koh hits the nail on the head in her article. Her athlete insights are not only for all athletes, but I see it as a life cycle of what every skater evolves through from when they join as fresh meat to when they are considering an exit strategy of their own. Taking it a step further, as derby evolves, I see many skaters go through life cycles encompassing those insights within each step of evolution.
This June I turn 40, which isn’t particularly old for me. I think my body performs better than the average 40-year-old and my mind is definitely younger. When I started this journey back in March 2010, I was 36 and had it set in my mind I would stick it out until I turned 40 and then maybe do ‘something else.’ I’m sort of holding true to that transition, as I won’t be running for a league board position after three years of commitment to those duties. But as for skating and playing, I’m in a little bit of a conundrum.
It’s obvious to me I’ve moved through many of the points in Koh’s article and I feel like I’m on exit strategy but I’m not ready to quit yet.
From the time I joined roller derby to now, the sport has undergone multiple transitions. Its insane growth has changed the rules, strategy and fitness expectations. In the last year Canada achieved its own ranking system and are hosting its first national tournament this year based on regional playoffs (which I had the honour of playing in and getting my ass hit by Player 1 and her counterparts last summer LOL).
Within those transitions, skaters have evolved multiple times as well. Starting from cut t-shirt uniforms and going out for beers after practice, many are now in wicking performance gear and drinking protein shakes. The evolution seems to happen overnight. It’s like a lightbulb turns on and a skater changes how they are training or performing, as if they were reborn.
So for me, I feel I’m simply at the end of a cycle within my overall roller derby life cycle. My existing light bulb is about to burn out and another is about to burn bright.
I truly believe that ‘something else‘ I committed to 3 years ago is still going to be roller derby, just birthed into something new. And when I figure out what that something new is, I’m sure I’ll work through and learn from many of Koh’s insights again. “I’m not just going to let that river of time take me where it will.” I get to choose my next path and that’s really exciting.
I’m sure I’m not the only one who has experienced life cycles within roller derby. I’d love to hear your stories.
I played in scrimmages two weekends in a row and both were very different. Granted, the one last weekend was an intermediate scrimmage (Stettler) and this weekend’s was an advanced (Medicine Hat) so there was bound to be some obvious variances.
Teams are resorting to no pack strategy more often in regular play, but happens most when they are on a power jam, really behind in points or if they are having trouble during a (full-strength) jam. (This is old news and is covered extensively here and here) While splitting the pack (forcing the refs to call ‘no pack’ and all blockers must disengage and reform, allowing jammers to pass through relatively untouched) is kinda-sorta-maybe allowed, it’s really manipulating the rules to make it easy as possible to score points with as little contact as possible. It feels like getting a goat to slow a pack seems like a distant past; old strategy.
No pack derby is driving me crazy. I love it; I hate it. I love it when I’m jamming and my team executes it perfectly and I cruise through the pack untouched. What jammer wouldn’t love that? I hate it as a spectator and I hate it as a player in general because you’re watching two walls of 4 on 1 until the ref calls the no pack. It requires little skating skill. WFTDA skater Juke Boxx even made a plea about it at this year’s Rollercon. But it’s easy for teams of all levels to resort to, so I understand why it’s so palatable.
The WFTDA is releasing revisions to the rules this fall. While they have confirmed they will be eliminating minor penalties from the WFTDA rule set, there hasn’t been any kind of confirmation if they will be making changes to help eliminate no pack scenerio (that I can find).
This summer I made a promise to myself to play as much derby as possible and take in as many experiences as I can. In fact, I’m planning on playing 3 weekends out of the four in August. However I’m frustrated that my perception of the negative experiences I’m having are outweighing the positive. The ownness is on me to decide whether to cut my losses and stay home or surge ahead and break down the negatives, which is probably something every athlete goes through multiple times regardless of their sport. Equally frustrating is the sense of seclusion I’m feeling right now. Everyone is having a great time filled with awesome-fun-loving-derby-times and I’m just sort of hovering on the edge. I’m not sure what’s needed to make derby fun again.
Pulling myself from jamming has seemed to help, which I did in my game in Medicine Hat this weekend and I jammed less than I normally do in Stettler. No pack derby, while effective in strategy, makes a jammer fend for herself most the time. I’m tired of it. Maybe some will say I have a bad attitude for saying that and I need to put on my big girl panties and suck it up for the sake of the team. But playing as a blocker has been much more enjoyable as the sense of isolation I was feeling as a jammer is non-existent. Lately when I’ve been handed the star, I dread it. Not a good headspace to be in when your team is counting on you to score. My sights are set on a change in direction, I’m just not sure where yet.
Hi readers. A lot has been happening the last couple weeks so here’s a jumble of thoughts and things that’s been going on.
Last game of 2011
At December 3rd’s bout in Medicine Hat our team came out with a win which was so amazing. While our first half was a little inconsistent, during the second half our entire team meshed and things we have been working on so hard came to fruition. Watching jam after jam, every play was executed in textbook format. It was a beautiful thing and I was so proud of everyone.
The crappy thing, well for me, about that game is that I pulled myself out after the first half. I took a nasty blow to the back of the head at the end of the first half which resulted in another skater falling over my head. For the curious, you can see it below. (Jam starts at the 42:00 mark, crash happens just after the 43:00 mark)
At the time of the hit I remember thinking that my neck doesn’t bend like that, even on a good day and at half-time I was met with shakey knees, dizzines and nausea. After getting checked out by the EMTs and chatting with my coaches, I decided it wasn’t worth risking a second blow and further injury.
It was a good decision as the ride home was rough and I could barely move the next day. After a visit to the doctor, it was determined I didn’t have a concussion (whew!) but had a pretty nasty case of whiplash. X-Rays for precaution and a few chiropractic and massage appointments later and I’m feeling next-to-my-old-self. In my follow up my chiro didn’t notice anymore swelling in my neck and he’s given the okay to do some light contact.
Crosby’s off skates again
Sidney Crosby of the Pittsburgh Penguins has suffered a setback from his head injury, which happened in January. He made his return to game play in November but announced yesterday post-concussion symptoms have returned and he’s now out indefinitely.
I just have to say what an amazing role model he is for professional and amateur athletes, contact sports in particular. I’ve seen my peers in roller derby skate with concussions, broken noses and the like. I have to admit, I get why they do it.
For one, it’s hard to pull yourself out of a sport you love so much. It’s also hard to pull yourself out because in many leagues, you’re competing for a roster position with all the other skaters. If you pull out, will you be considered a ‘wimp?’ I know it crossed my mind with my recent incident.
Whether we like it or not, the pressure to perform for your team is there at the amateur level. And I’m sure there are many who still have the view that if you don’t have an ankle dangling from the bone or blood pouring from your face, you should be contributing. Concussions are invisible, as are many other injuries one can acquire in roller derby. Those with that kind of mindset are not only putting themselves at risk, but others who are around them as their focus and skill will not be 100%. Even if they put themselves back into the game with the best intentions, they become a liability skating injured.
But Crosby is changing people’s view on such injuries, showing it’s okay to take time off, get better and you CAN come back just as strong if you stay dedicated to a plan to make yourself get better. Even off skates, he’s an amazing ambassador to sport… ALL sports… and I hope amateur coaches and players take notice.
Skating with an injury is just dumb.
Gear talk
Old & new kneepads. I was most surprised how the exterior protective cap was stretched out.
New kneepads!
Speaking of injuries, I FINALLY replaced by kneepads. I honestly thought I could maybe get a couple more months out of my old ones. But looking at them side-by-side I can see now how horribly stretched out and compacted they were.
Admittedly, I added some foam of my own inside my old pads to try and extend the life. It actually worked okay and I got 1.5 years out of them.
*DISCLAIMER Don’t do what I did. It was stupid and could of horribly backfired. I’m not going to try and extend the life of my kneepads by inserting foam ever again.
New plates!
During my week off skates I decided to give my skates some TLC. So I pulled ALL the tape off of them and I gave them some love. But it was also to give them a good inspection to see if I could get another year out of the boots.
Giving some love. I had A LOT of layers of tape on my babies. I don't remember the last time they were neeked.
Minor repairs aside, they’re still doing okay, but I’ve been saving some pennies in anticipation for an upgrade so I’ve decided to get some new plates.
Sure Grip Magnesium Avenger with 45 degree DA45 trucks.
Pretty, right? These magnesium babies are lightweight and the trucks have 45 degree double-action stuff on it. The axles are closer together than my previous pair and I’m excited on how this will change my footwork and derby stance. (I’ll have to lean more forward and the shorter axle distance means tighter turning)
What’s great about roller skates is that you can take them apart, so if I decide to get new boots next year, I can take these plates off and attach them to the new boots. I’ll be sure to take lots of pictures when I do the install. I hope they come soooon!
Less than 20 days until the end of my year of fitness goals!
I’m excited to be compiling info in anticipation of a wrap-up post for my year of fitness goals. Having to take time off for my injury has made me feel incredibly behind with exercise and diet, but yesterday I hit up the gym once again and it was like I never left! It felt great and I’m almost ready for another weight increase. And I’m ridiculously excited to write some new goals for 2012 which will include some serious muscle-building and change in diet.
Watching the skaters at the Blood and Thunder World Cup also inspired me. It’s so exciting to think many who were there competing at a national level were where I was only a few years ago. As a result, focusing on my head game and adding more skills to my tool box that I can pull out instinctually are on my list. I’ve contributed two years as a board member to the league, so I’m also looking at possibly backing down from that so I can focus more on my skating. I think that will help a lot.
****
Thems my jumbly thoughts! I’d love to hear what you think about the pressure to play injured (Have you had pressure to do it?) or any new goals, gear, etc that you’re racing towards for the end of 2011!
I’ve been in a funk. And it sucks. Articulating it in a way to avoid making it sound whiny has been difficult, hence my sudden cyber-quietness on this blog. I needed time to reflect.
The trigger was our last home game against the B-52 Bellas. While I didn’t go into the game cocky, I went in feeling confident I could at least hold my own against the more experienced team.
However they rolled over us and I played my worst game to date. My penalties racked up quickly, I had to fight for every point (a testament to how great the Bellas played!), I lost focus and my technique faltered.
I was a train wreck and felt I did nothing to contribute to the team during that game.
Further self-destructive evaluation made me think of all the hours I was putting into weight training, running and eating right. I rarely miss practice. I participate in all drills. WHY THE FUCK AM I NOT GETTING BETTER? It pissed me off that sacrifices I made to play this sport and excel at it aren’t coming to fruition.
But then I decided that it’s not about getting better, it’s about how badly do I want it.
Missing a game this weekend due to my financial restrictions to travel sucked hard. If anything, it made me even MORE hungry to play. I don’t want to ever have to say no to a roster position if another is offered to me and if given that position I don’t want to come away from it ever saying, ‘I didn’t try hard enough.’
We’re coming into our last game of a 5-game stint (which is a big deal for our little league) and this is probably the most I’ve ever focused on getting my game-head screwed on tight. Perhaps this is the last piece of the puzzle I need to take me to the next level in my game play.
I know I can skate fast; I know I can skate hard; I know I can give and take hits. But now it’s about being always on, ready for anything.
We lost last night to the Missfits 140-93 and while it was a disappointing loss, it was a fun game to play! I came away from it somewhat unscathed, but two of my teammates did not. Thankfully, their prognosis is favourable and we should see them on the track soon!
On another note, this marked another successful game for me, scoring 58 of the 93 points for my team. I’m thankful for the very hard work by our amazing blockers to help me accomplish that.
I should be proud of myself, and I am…
But at the same time, it scares the shit out of me.
When I joined derby my intention was to merely be a cog in the wheel that contributes to the overall productiveness of the team.
However this ‘streak’ I’m on… (Is it a streak when you’ve accomplished something twice? Sure, let’s go with that) …is bringing all sorts of apprehension and a new level of stress to my game head.
I see it time and time again in the NHL; a player gets on a performance streak and they get metaphorically hoisted on the shoulders of their team, media and fans.
If and when the streak ends, I’ve seen instances where the player gets immediately dropped on their ass.
“Thanks for coming out. But you’re not performing anymore so… Ummm… BYE!” And onto the next thing.
It brings a lot of questions into my head.
How does one maintain momentum when one is in a moment of success?
What if the success is a fluke?
How does one exude confidence without ego overruling?
How does one prepare themselves for an impending fall?
I don’t want to let my team down by setting high expectations for myself and not achieving them.
At the same time, if you aim low, that’s what you’re going to get.
How does one find that delicate balance of skill, confidence and ego?
No one tells you how much of a mental game roller derby is; from getting your game face on, to psyching yourself to lay hits, to coming back from an injury. Mix that in with the delicate balance of being competitive and having fun, it’s no surprise skaters can be really hard on themselves.
I suppose acknowledging that I had a couple good games and staying focused on my own goals is a good first step in creating a state of mindfulness to better myself and be the best that I can be for my team.
From there, I guess we’ll see where things go! I’ll just take it one goal, one game at a time!
I’ll just take it one goal, one game at a time!
